by Yuko Otomo

for John Cage, Merce Cunningham & Kazuo Ohno

“there is no front or back
no female or male
no starting or ending point

in the practice of doing inside out!”

three aging angels’ determined lightheartedness
invites me to do the same

I want to walk in the rain with no shoes on
I want to sleep three days & nights in a row
I want to run under the starry night
I want to have a moustache
I want to be a horse
I want not to talk for a week
I want to sleep with my parents again like I did as an infant
I want to eat apples, bread & water alone everyday
I want to be a tiny stone
I want to talk to a cactus
I want to be an orphan
I want to dance
I want to play the piano
I want to write a slow & indifferent song
I want to be a fish
I want to be a bird
I want to be Steve
I want Steve to be me
I want to listen to the sounds of my f lesh
I want to see myself without a mirror
I want 4 seasons in a gradual development
I want to laugh & smile at something desirable & charming
I want to be outside of myself
I want to eat books when I finish reading them

“there is a freedom to have a new idea
& there is a freedom to have the same idea.”

I want to be slow & hostile
I want to be fast & mean
I want snow falling at this moment
I want to see my grandfather, my mother’s father I have never seen
I want to see my grandmother, my mother’s mother I have never seen
I want Steve’s parents to be alive
I want van Gogh, D.H. Lawrence, Sade, Dazai & Kerouac to be alive & close by so I can visit them sometimes
I want to be naked in the woods
I want to go to Paris again
I want to see & hear Monk, Charlie Parker, Coltrane, Dolphy & Ayler live
I want to eat raw grains everyday
I want to clean
I want to sleep
I want to wake up

to feel light

a slow, soft rain has stopped
for a moment
the sun is gone

my rational mind finally leaves space for my irrationality

the last December Sunday is going to end soon
as our hunger for a healthy meal grows

I want to be an angel when I am old