The Great Contender

By Stephen Bett

The man who shot Liberty Valence
clearly didn’t care mucho much for Valencia
(nor likely cross–town rivals VillaRReal)

That derby hall a’ miRRors . . . a’gin & redux

When Val rode to town the womenfolk would hide
(Rreal men & transfolk, they’d abide onside)

Give me hibbity jibbity or give me the point of a gun
the only law that [libs] understand —
lib•bard•y for not from dems wackos

Rrose Sélavy likely–wise cried snide
in zir Yellow Submarine
(it’s true, #LookItUp!)

Putt it right on the platter
The man who flipped a birdie on yr Lib Pal
— poor Burt Bacharach, dead
at 94 just this week —

He was the [gravest] man of all
he was the Great Contender

Just laughing and gay like a clown
in my town*

*Gene Pitney, “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence” & “The Great Pretender” (the latter also covered by The Platters, & both songs written by Burt Bacharach); properly speaking, Valencia & Villarreal Club Futbol are cross–region derby rivals (the latter’s motto: “The Yellow Submarine”); & fondly recalling Grade 4 club Membership Card for “The–Look–It–Up–Club” (motto: “We Don’t Just Guess, We Look It Up!”)